Imagine being caught in a love triangle, well not getting caught technically, like in your head and can’t decide who or what you want. Basically that is what is currently going on in my head, mind, body
I had the perfect ever boyfriend for me, I was so in love and everything was moving in the right direction for us, our love growing stronger each day especially it being now more than a year since our relationship started and in my eyes he was my Mr Perfect.
When school closes for the summer break and I no longer was able to see him every single day, but unlike before where we spoke endlessly during the long holidays, he paid next to no attention to me and I started to feel neglected and lonely, being someone used to always having attention from him, I felt more lonelier and sadder until I met James. I instantly felt intense feelings of affection strike my body, when I hadn’t felt those feelings in a long time since my Mr Perfect Mason, you see the thing was that I could see James was as attracted to me as I was to him.
Before you know it, James and I grew closer and started talking more, before you know what is going on, I am the main actress and protagonist in a scandal because my feelings for James had gone in too deep for me to tell him the truth about Mason and also because I didn’t want to lose either of them. I trusted my best friend and told her what I was going through and before too long Mason found out about James and the only person I ever told about James was my best friend Jessica, which promptly ended and destroyed our friendship, my world was shattering around me and I didn’t want to live another day, especially when I had no one having my back, worse yet I knew I deserved it.
This resolved in me having paranoia about things and having trust issues with anyone. Through all this I realized I wanted Mason more, my true boyfriend and first love, he forgave me for my infidelity and we were gradual getting back to being a couple recovering from my cheating. I had dumped James painfully with no explanation or what so ever. That’s when fucking bitch karma decided to hit me in my damned face and Mason dumped me, through a text message.
Although the reality of the matter didn’t really hit me at once, my heart felt as if it had been ripped out of my chest a thousand times before his hands were finally squeezing the life out of it and causing me immense inescapable pain. Worse yet he moved onto another girl right before my very eyes and it was not yet up to a month since we broke up. Suddenly they were the new buzz around town and I just had to mask the hurt and jealous I felt so I finally decide to let go, no matter how hard it was going to be for me.
I eventually was able to move on and start afresh, but with suppressed feelings for Mason, knowing I couldn’t go back to James since I had lost contact with him, so I was just miserable and lonely and coping with the single life. Mason started talking to me again and paying me more attention, but I ignored it. One day he sprung on me and declared he still loves me, and he also wants me back and was foolish for dumping me… my inside went on a roller coaster ride and my suppressed emotions came to surface, but what could I have done, when he had a girlfriend.
We started talking some more and I confessed having feelings for him, but did nothing about it, but I only talked and flirted randomly… while he still had a girlfriend, the guilt ate me up and I finally told his girlfriend who dumped him and I had him for myself once again. Once again we were on our way of being in a secured relationship and getting back together, and Niall enters my life, and he gives me the attention James gave me and is a romantic at heart and I got besotted and left Mason for him.
I started speaking to Mason once again and I realized what I lost and wanted him back, it hurt… I stopped talking much with Niall and made all sorts of excuses to not go out together, and eventually I dumped Niall and went begging to Mason, who reluctantly took me back, once again we were on the path of getting back together. Something horrible happened and a sex rumour about me went round, destroying my relationship once again with Mason that was when I made a promise to myself never to go back to Mason and stopped speaking to him for not believing me, but what others said.
He apologized to me months later and we had to make up, cause circumstances kept on throwing us together and it was the inevitable to make up and so we did. But he as usual had a girl he was already courting, but for once I didn’t feel jealous or the need to really want him to pour the attention and affection out on me, I felt happy that my body was finally able to let him go a bit. Christmas holiday we spoke practically every day from the moment we woke up to the moment we slept, but it was just that of close friends as he said he wanted to take his relationship with Clara serious, it was so cool.
I went for my friends party that Christmas and guess who I bumped into no other than James, after almost two years without communicating with each other, I felt so awkward and went through all possible methods to avoid him, but he wanted the other and eventually found me and got us to talk although things were quiet awkward between us, he asked for my contact details, and the next day we started talking and the feelings of attraction for him intensified, more so now since I was single and wasn’t cheating.
At 00:00 new-year he called me and asked me to be his girlfriend and later that afternoon I agreed to be his, two days later we went for our first date and it was wonderfully and I was happy. But the thing is that Mason started flirting with me, and telling me of how he is so dumb for giving me up, that he is so comfortable around me and can really be himself while with Clara he is cautious, and he realizes how much of a big thing he has lost, and says maybe in the future I did take him back, maybe not now but in the future he still wanted me. But James makes it kind of clear that he doesn’t want anyone else in my life apart from him, even making a promise that he is going to marry me but I don’t know what to do… I love both of them and yes I admit it I still love and care for Mason even more than I should… but I have decide and let go of one of them, and now I just have to choose.
Rightfully I have James now and Mason isn’t mine, but I know Mason wants me like I want him, but we all want what we can’t have and I have made a promise to myself I won’t cheat on James and that’s really a hard thing to do, because my temptation ‘Mason’ is like right next door literally speaking. So you see my dilemma and it is about the same boys from years back, God this is so confusing. I just keep praying I don’t do something foolish and make the right decision.